Trapped In The Closet
Hello Doc McGee
Just writing to say that I love your concept (startsmoking.org) and I am going to order your book from Amazon.
I was wondering what your opinion (or advise is!) for someone like me..
I am 24 and a closet smoker! I LOVE to smoke.. every second of it.. but I am also a closet smoker, meaning that while I smoke about 10 a day, I am not an open smoker. I don't smoke during work, or at home. I guess in some ways I feel ashamed or embarressed about it. As a kid I was very shy and was about 17 when I tried my first cigarette. I smoke on my walk to work (usually chain-smoking about 2 or 3. I take a walk at lunch time and smoke another 2 or 3 cigs, have another on my afternoon break and chain another 2 or 3 on my way home.
My partner (who I live with) knows that I smoke, but he forbids me to smoke at home or when he is around... which rules out most of my evenings!! Aside from my partner, hardly anyone else knows that I smoke!! My family certainly don't (and they would not be impressed, I am one of 4 kids and no one in my family smokes!)...
But i just dunno what to do, or if I should do anything... Is being a closeted smoker that bad of a thing...!?
J, London
'Dr.' McGee writes...
Dear J,
Thank you for your kind words about startsmoking.org and I hope that
you enjoy the book.
With regards to your dilemma, there are two schools of thought on the
matter. The first, rather more militant option, would be to come out
of the closet and proudly declare yourself as a smoker to the world at
large. This is a time when smokers must unite against oppression and
the more 'out' smokers there are, the safer we can all feel from
reprisals.
However, you should be aware that taking this step will undoubtedly
make you a target for harassment. It sounds as if you're already
experiencing this from your partner and undoubtedly your family would
have something to say about the matter. It saddens me when normally
tolerant, loving people take it upon themselves to persecute someone
for their lifestyle choices, but such is the age we live in. While I
generally advocate that smokers be loud and proud about their habit, I
understand the difficulties that this can present for some people who
face intolerance from their families or social groups.
So, if you don't feel ready to tell the world who you are then the
question remains: are you living a lie by keeping your smoking a
secret? My answer would be 'no' - you're simply maintaining a private
pleasure which is nobody's business but your own. While I must
confess I find it a little strange that your partner *forbids* you to
smoke when he is around, I can only dispense smoking advice and would
not presume to comment on yours or anyone else's relationship. Your
choice to smoke is *your* choice and, likewise, who you tell about
your habit is *your* choice. If you don't feel comfortable sharing it
with your family, then I'm certainly not going to press you in to it.
And a positive factor of your limited opportunities to smoke is that
I'm sure you appreciate each and every cigarette you're able to have.
'Out' smokers often partake as a matter of rote, whereas I'm sure each
and every one of your cigarettes is savoured to the fullest.
My only concern is that you're missing out on some of the social
contact that smoking can bring. Whether it's the huddle of smokers
outside a restaurant or the warming fug of the smoking area in the
workplace, smokers are generally a sociable bunch and I'd hate to see
you cut off from the wider community. I hope that at least some of
your friends smoke and if they don't, you might want to think about
including some in your social circle.
